Because I Love You
by CrashedmyHarley
Summary: When Edward loses control, he will do anything to ensure Bella's safety, especially from him. How will he keep her safe from himself? R&R PLEASE! Rated T for some themes not suitable for children.


Hello Hello Hello, and welcome to my mind. I am the terrifying, yet utterly adorable CrashedmyHarley, please call me KJ . This is my first Twilight ficcy. Now I will go ahead and say that I LOVE EDWARD! HE RULES! Please keep that in mind for this ficcy.

Disclaimer: I, the horrifying yet cute and snuggable KJ, do not own Twilight, Eddy Weddy, Bella... Wella... or n e of the Twilight characters I happen to have used. I do however own this plot, the format of this story... um... My signature... and um... OH! I think I should be able to claim the caps lock! ... :listens to lawyers: No? I can't? Well damn...

**_Because I Love You_**

(A/N I OWN THE TITLE TOO!)

How did I screw up so badly? Only one explaination made sense, those damn hormones. One would think that after being a teenager for about 90 years I would have control over such things, but I suppose that I am just a man. But still, there's no excuse for my horrid behavior. I almost took Bella's life, and for that I can never be forgiven, no matter how many times she tells me it's alright. I know that somewhere in her mind she fears me even more than before. And I don't blame her; I fear myself now.

You as the reader are probably very confused. As I read your minds now, I hear, "WTF? What'd he do?" and "Edward has a nice ass" which I do say I am flattered to hear, but please remain on the subject…. Now, as I was saying, you are most confused at this point.

It began as any other day. I suppose I know why Alice had avoided me the day/night before. She did not want me to hear her thoughts. Why, I do not know. I assume some part of her wanted everything to happen as it was intended to, but I can never understand her completely, no matter how many times I read her mind.

The morning it happened, I attempted to wake Bella with as gentle a touch I could muster, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She remained difficult as once again usual. After getting her up as swiftly as I could without causing her physical harm, we hurried off to school. Well, hurrying for her, I was driving at my usual pace. She claims I drive like a maniac.

Once at school, everything seemed, again, normal. Honestly, nothing would have set the day apart from any other day had it not been for the ending. But I suppose its normality would leave one with a much higher guard suspicious.

After school, I took Bella to our meadow. This was something we did on nice days, and this day had been fairly descent. So we sat in the meadow, cuddling slightly. Once again, this was of the norm. But it had been a bit too humid out today, so an unsuspected thunderstorm clashed down on the small town of Forks. On the drive home, Bella insisted I pull over and wait it out. Unfortunatley, the storm lasted for quite some time.

As we sat in my Volvo, we began to kiss a bit. Again, nothing strange there. But then Bella moved in such a way that…. Oh, I can't even utter it. She made me crazy. My head seemed to be spinning, my senses blocked. I assumed I was aroused to the point she could clearly see it. I suppose that may have been why she backed away slightly. But she had not done so enough. Before either of us knew what had happened, I pounced on her. I could not control myself at all. I press her body to mine as hard as I could, trying to close any gap between us. I kissed her roughly, each time harder and harder. It wasn't until she was gasping for air that I realized what I was doing. I ripped my arms off her, throwing myself into the steering wheel. All I could do was stare at my hands with wide eyes. How could I have?

She seemed thoroughly jostled, fear emitting from her clear brown eyes. So I banished myself to the trunk for the rest of the storm.

As the storm came to a close, I returned from the trunk and drove home at a slow pace. This was to please Bella and calm both of us down. We were silent for the entire ride, except for the moments when Bella attempted to prattle about something irreletive, mostly to get me to smile I assume and to lift the thick tension.

That night has stayed on my mind for weeks now. I am currently in Alaska, clearly too far away to harm her. I know she must be furious with me at the moment, but it's for her safety and my sanity. Unfortunately, my sanity was far long lost. I missed her terribly. I allowed myself to get too close to her, so now I am forced to torture myself. I can't stand it. I need to stay away from her, but I miss her far too much. There can only be one solution.

I know it seems morbid, but it really isn't so bad. Actually, had I not been changed at 17, I may have been deceased already. Death is a natural thing, and I fear it not. If I had, I wouldn't even consider it an option. Bella will be upset, I am sure, but she will live on and die eventually, as life intends. I suppose I will have to start a fire.

I stood from my place on an old stump. A fire would be easy to create, so I could be dead in no time, finally at peace and in a place where I know I could never harm Bella. I took some gasoline from the small houses on the coast of Alaska, where the other coven lives, and walked out into the freezing woods again. I knocked over some trees that seemed to be on their last stand anyway and poured the gasoline over them. Pulling the lighter I had also taken out of my pocket, I set the trees ablaze. I then proceeded to find a place in the middle of them to sit.

The warmth was rather comforting. I enjoyed it immensely. I allowed my mind to wander, and of course it wandered to the only thing that was ever on my mind these days: Bella. Oh, how I will miss her, but I will see her again in the after life I suppose. I hope she's safe in my absence. She would be of course, Carlisle would never have her in danger. With me gone, she's the only connection to me my family will have. And they, my family, will be the only connection Bella will have as well. Yes, they will stay in touch.

As I poundered over meaningless things, I had not noticed anyone running through the forest, and certainly not Emmet coming to tackle me, restrain me and carry me out to the nearest clearing.

He threw me down roughly, anger coursing through his eyes and thoughts. In fact, everyone but Carlisle, Esme, and Alice was furious. Roselie thought I was insane and wanted Bella dead, seeing as she assumed this had to do with her. I glared at my sister for that. Jasper wondered how I would ever do such a thing without saying goodbye or even considering how they would feel if I never came back. Emmet just wanted to smash my face in for being absurd. Alice asked herself why she hadn't seen it sooner, but was glad she saw it coming at all. Esme was worried, bless her, and Carlisle was planning something. I really wanted to know what that something was, but it was hard to hear over the anger in Jasper, Roselie, and Emmet's thoughts.

"I JUST WANT TO DIE!" I yelled harshly. That made them shut up.

"Why?" a soft, familiar voice asked as its owner stood from a bush. My love, the one person I couldn't read, stood there. Before I knew it, my family cleared out.

"I just…" I mumbled softly. "It was the one place I wouldn't hurt you."

"But you promised you'd stay as long as you were wanted."

"How could you want me after what I almost did!" I became enraged, but of course, not at her.

"Because I love you?" she said as if it were as obvious as 1+1.

"I can't be around you if I'm going to hurt you. Please grasp that. Now I am going back to my death bed."

"NO!" She ran up to me, faster than she had ever moved before, and wrapped her fragile arms around my waist, rubbing her face into my back. "Please don't leave."

"Bella… I can't hurt you… I won't hurt you."

"You know there's another way."

"AND I WON'T CHANGE YOU!"

"You will. That's how Alice sees it."

"Oh, and I bet Alice saw me charred to a crisp, right? Well, I'm not yet, so I suppose she's wrong."

"Actually, she saw you in the flames, but then she said you stepped out and came home."

"Oh really? Well, I suppose I have to prove her wrong." I roughly tore her arms off me and ran into the blaze again. I would perish. This time to prove that Alice can be wrong. She can be very wrong.

As I sat there in a circle of flames, I heard Bella cry out to me. She wanted me to come out, to go back to her. I would have gladly, but I needed to show her how wrong Alice could be. Then she cried. No, she sobbed. Her tears streamed her face. Suddenly, I wanted to just… hold her. The urge was strong. I couldn't stand the way she was crying now. It tore me up quite literally. When she started screaming through her sobs, I'd had enough. I calmly stood from my place once more and walked over to her. As gently as I could, I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. Bella held me as tightly as her slight form could.

I suppose I'm not strong enough to stay away from her, but I will be strong enough to never harm her again.

A few hours passed and Bella was safe in her bed. She saved me again. I know I should have stayed in that fire, but I couldn't. Damn it. I stared at Bella as she slept so peacefully. I walked over to her and pressed my lips to her forehead. Then she mumbled the words she'd said ever since the incident with James.

"I'm betting on Alice."

_**THE END**_

Wells? How did u like? TELL TEH KJ!

Beta Eves says: Aww! - It's so c00t! And I don't even get the story and such, hehe! ; Dude I really need to read that book. … And I only had to fix a few mistakes. You have a way with words.


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